i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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