She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize