my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
