Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
