How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Found your dick twin last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
