The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
