Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
