Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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