Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
