im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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