I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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