I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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