I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
