Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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