connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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