Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
