just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
