you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
