i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
