I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
