What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
