to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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