Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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