This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
