true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
