My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
