Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
