weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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