dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
