we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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