There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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