I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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