The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
