There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
