Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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