so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
