Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
