That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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