I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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