John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
