I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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