I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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