Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
