how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
