yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
