New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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