I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
