i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
