so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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