you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
