Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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