you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We are all done wearing pants today
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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