I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
