It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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