I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
