i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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