when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
