I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
