He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
