We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
