where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
