Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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