I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
