Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
