sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
