Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
