I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
