Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
