So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize