Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
