wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
