I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
