Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize