why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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