ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
