Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
