I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
